Have You Ever Considered SPED Services?

If I described all of the steps I have taken to get the right services in the schools for the girls, I could not even capture it all accurately. Yes to PACER, multiple times. To other advocacy supports. To medical doctors and specialists and neuro-psychs galore! I know the underlying challenge: my girls appear very normal. They are great talkers and when you ask them about things, for example rules and consequences, they have the right answers most of the time. They will tell you that they know it's not okay to steal, or it's dangerous to leave the house without telling anyone. And then they get into the moment-a kid at school (because the kids can recognize the deficits) tells one of them to grab something over there...and because all they want is to be liked and accepted by their peers, they go get it and give it to their 'friends'....and it ends up being someone else's and then they are accused of stealing...but when they were going to get it, there was no pathway to anything that recognized this as doing anything wrong. That they might be stealing never occurs to them.

Their actual actions and behaviors have no connection to what they know (and don't get confused, they are so very smart. Their genius has nothing to do with this disconnect in any way - also challenging for school staff to understand). The way they have learned how to behave and act is by mimic, not by what they know in their minds. Their language skills appear exquisite, with what seems like an extensive vocabulary, and they can confabulate something that is very convincing and real. And they can't tell the difference between the reality and the story. And the way they pull from all of the different people they see around them and on TV and at school and on the streets, all into one persona, they pull it all together in a way that seems they are authentic and aware and in control and understanding what they are doing...and they don't. They are just doing whatever they have seen done before over extensive time, and it gets interpreted as intentional and they get labeled as trouble-makers or whatever.

So the school now sees them through that lens, and when mom comes in to talk about it, they think I am there to make excuses for my girls and to shoo away their behaviors. They seem to be unable to separate or be willing to accept that there is no connection between what they know and what they do...most of the time. Sometimes it looks like it because they have mimicked their peers and other people they see all around them and all of their lives. They have created a dynamic character (I mean this in literary terms). And the school wants to measure how many times a week they will do something and because they get it right most of the time - because they are excellent mimickers - they think my girls are making progress. No! That measurement is irrelevant because it is not measuring them. It is measuring how many times they succeed in mimicking the appropriate behavior at a given time. I just don't have time anymore to convince people of something that they are unwilling to see.

I pulled my 13-year-old last year and started homeschooling her because the bullying was getting so horrible. And the school never, ever once put a barrier in between her and the other kids. And that is all I ever asked for: if she is more likely to be picked on by other kids and taken advantage of, then we stop this by not making it available for other kids to do this to her. Not wait until it happens and then have her fill out a report about bullying-where her account of what happened is already off because her concept of time and place are not fluid and so it becomes inconsistent- and then the bullying gets worse? No, it's simple risk-management here: don't even allow it to be an option. It is damaging her spirit!! It will always happen, is my point. She will always be vulnerable and gullible and her brain will not grow back the parts that didn't grow because of the alcohol exposure. She cannot learn from what you tell her. You really have to really show to her what you want her to do. If she's a "trouble-maker," put her around the good kids. Watch her. Yep...not anything like it was with the other kids? Oh, she's a leader? She likes to help out the younger kids? And still, nothing. And my mom went through this with most of her kids, too. For over 20 years we have been trying to get it right for these kids.......heartbreak. I'm not saying I get it right all the time, either. Clearly, as with the tragedy of my Buddy Grandson. At least I try to understand. And I don't even get sped money from the feds to help me.